4 Weeks to Go...

That is, if I were still pregnant. 

And for the record, I have never delivered on my due date or even before.  So, in reality it is more like 6 weeks.  However, we will never know.  So, I am going with the date given - October 23.  Wow!  Who knew that this journey would be a mixture of so much sadness and at the same time so much sweetness!?

So, let the question be asked again - - How am I doing?

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all of their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."    Psalm 34:17,18

Ahh.  The closeness of God!  He is ever-so-present in my life.

I cry for the loss of our Jeremiah, somewhat often.  They are not uncontrollable tears but tears nonetheless.  I miss not feeling him kick in my belly.  I miss not feeling his hiccups when I am trying to go to sleep.  I miss the elbows poking me in the ribs.  I miss watching him grow as my belly grows.  I even miss the uncomfortableness I would be feeling at this point in the pregnancy.  My belly aches with emptiness.  I just plain ol' miss him.

When he was born, it felt as if the world stood still.  I soaked in the moment of holding my son.  Crying.  It was like a lifetime of love and memories all packed into one moment.  Oh, to have him in my arms again - I can't wait!!

I remember my prayers to God the night before we were to pick Jeremiah's body up from the mortuary.  "Oh Lord!  I am not asking you to fix this.  I just ask that you be ever so present in my life."  Within moments of asking that, I felt like I was drowning in His presence and His love.  I remember that night vividly.  Peace came over me.  It was as if He wrapped His arms around me, tightly.  And has never let go since.  God has shown me that when life seems so empty, He fills it up.  He does!  Really.  I have walked a journey with Him in a way that I could have never imagined.  What seemed so difficult at the time, has become such a blessing.  I am soooo thankful for our little Jeremiah.  It has been (and continues to be) an honor to walk this path with my Lord.

We continue to praise Him!!