Monday, May 24, 2010

I Took A Walk Today

It wasn't a far walk.
BUT it was a difficult walk.
The final destination would be a mixture of emotions.
Emotions I was not sure I could handle - again.

It was uphill. A steep hill.
There were rocks. Lots of them.
I wanted it to be flat and clear of rocks.
Just like life - I like it to be easy with no complications.

As I climbed, my thoughts were flooded with pain and heartache.
I hated what happened 2 years ago today - a complication.
Two years ago, today, I had given birth to our still-born son.
I was empty and experiencing unimaginable pain.

And then a peace and stillness came over me.
I was reminded of how the Lord carried me.
The Lord completely filled my empty and broken places.
He was (and still is) my comfort.

I made it to the top. (the view from his grave)
It was still. The heavens shedding tears with a drizzle of rain.
It was a beautiful place.
I did not cry but I hurt and longed for my son, Jeremiah.

I love that his little body is buried on hill that we see daily.
I love that my Lord was/is committed to me - through it all.
I love Jeremiah!
I love my God!
I love - because He loved first.

Whether it's from miscarriage, a baby born with complications or a born still little one, we all share deep loss.
 Pain. Heartache. Hurt.
I pray the Lord fills your empty and broken places as He has done and is daily working in mine. He is the perfect Healer for our hearts.

What a glorious day it will be when we see Jeremiah again!

We love you always and forever, sweet baby boy. Thanks for being God's messenger to me of His unfailing presence. He had (and still has) big plans for you.

"a time to be born...a time to heal...a time to build...a time to mourn...a time to mend...a time to love..."
Ecclesiastes 3:2-4,7


Shelley said...

What a beautiful post!! As I am writing through the tears. I can't imagine the pain you had to bear, but I know you find comfort in the Lord and your reunion again with Jeremiah in Heaven. You are a strong and beautiful woman and what a testiment to your faith even in the worst of times. May God bless you and your wonderful family and I am praying for continued healing for this heartache.

myletterstoemily said...

i'm so sorry for your terrible loss and
greatly admire your uplifting inspiration
every day.

His grace is suffused in all you do.

i look forward to seeing little jeremiah
someday, too.


Amy said...

My heartaches for you while I read this post. We've lost one little one but much earlier than your experience. Glad you are able to cling to Christ during these times. What a testimony to be faithful at praises our Lord in the storms!!!

Cinnamon said...

Oh yes what a GLORIOUS day that will be.

hugs dear friend~ Cinnamon

The Munck Family said...

What a beautiful post of your walk with our Lord and your sweet Jeremaih. The first time I read your blog I read all about Jeremaih, as many post as I could find. Many of your post spoke to me of our loss, your words were very comforting. What an amazing journey the Lord has taken you on and how your love for the Lord shows in all your family and blog. Thank you for sharing.

Prayers and blessings,

4shepherds said...

What a beautiful post...I love you so much and tonight when I say my prayers I will be praying for you...and I believe that Grandma Zwahlen is taking very good care of Jeremiah in heaven!!!
Love to all of you!!!

Treasures from a Shoebox said...

What a beautiful post. It is encouraging to know that when we must walk those difficult paths, the Lord is right there with us, guiding and comforting along the way. I call the five babies I've lost (through miscarriage) my Treasures in Heaven. Thank you for sharing this.

The Morris Family said...

Knowing the steep hills with you
Desiring with you it be smooth, but its not
Broken with you
Experiencing peace with you
Trusting Jesus with you
Awaiting with you to see our boys!!

He is with us!!

Much love to you!!


in a world surrounded by men said...

Love you friend. Sweet post.

The Adventures of a Simple Life said...

Though we don't understand certain circumstances in our lives, we can take comfort in knowing God is in control and all things are for the good to those who love the Lord. Pain, tragedy, often brings us closer to Him in ways we could have never known. Through the hurt and pain, we take comfort in a God who is our peace.
Sorry for you and your husbands loss...and the other children in losing their brother.

TnFullQuiver said...

Did you know that I still pray for you concerning the loss of your precious son? I am so glad that you shared your walk with us today.
grace and peace,